20ten Television

1. HEY HEY IT’S SATURDAY

Nine Network producers at are hoping that the ratings achieved during the now infamous reunion specials in 2009 were more than morbid fascination, commissioning 20 episodes for 2010.

Without the inertest in how our former family favourites have aged or the possibility of racist skits it is highly likely that we all collectively going to come to understand why the show got axed in 1999. Remember how tired the jokes already were back then?

Other than how entertaining it will really be, the big question is what night of the week will it be aired, it would make sense for it to return to early Saturday evening (the clue is in the name), but the reunions were successful in the midweek primetime slot.

2. X-RAY

A telemovie set to air on ABC1 will follow the five-year detention of Adelaide’s David Hicks at Guantanamo Bay. X-Ray is based on Chris Tugwell's stage play Camp X-Ray and will retell accounts of David’s life within the detention camp and his father’s campaign to secure his freedom.

This 90 minutes production is sure to divide the community nearly as much as David’s detention and eventual guilty plea.

3. UNDERBELLY: THE GOLDEN MILE

The Nine Network, taking the lead of Hollywood studios, is taking a successful series (the original Underbelly) and making endless sequels of arguably ever-diminishing quality to extract every possible source of revenue airing another series of this Australian drama.

If you thought there was a lot of nudity and sex in the second series then you may want to leave the room or reach for the remote. Set in Sydney’s Kings Cross, Australia’s most famous red-light district, The Golden Mile is sure to keep the censors and many teenage boys busy.

4. THE CLEVELAND SHOW

You got me; this show is already on air, but only in the summer silly season so that does not really count. The Ten Network is just testing this animated spin-off of Family Guy. In the initial promos and episode #1 Stewie Griffin proclaims in bewilderment “He, get’s his own show?”

Stewie was right to ask because Cleveland was the unfunny one. He has stayed true to character in his own show. From the Seth McFarlane stable of animated sitcoms this show is like Family Guy without the jokes or sharp social and political commentary. Will this series even make it to the 2010 ratings season?

5. BREAKING BAD

To air on SBS, this American drama focuses on the life of Walter White a former high school chemistry teacher who turns to the manufacture and sale of methamphetamine to secure his families financial future following his diagnosis with lung cancer.

Normally critical acclaim can equal low ratings, but Breaking Bad is breaking the rules by being both high quality and popular. This is in no small way due to the performance of Bryan Cranston. He was the dad from Malcolm in the Middle, but don’t judge his acting from the limitations of that role.

6. TOP GEAR

Not so much new for 2010 but this favourite is moving to a new home. The Nine Network has obtained the rights for future seasons of the BBC hit series. As we all know moving house is one of the most stressful events in life. The same can be said for the life of a television series in Australia.

Very few shows have reached the same level of ratings success when making the move from ABC or SBS to a commercial network. The only thing more historically destined to fail is the creation of a local version of a hit show. I present Top Gear, Australia and Queer Eye for a Straight Guy, Australia as exhibits A and B, Your Honour. It does not work the other way either, Kath & Kim, America (exhibit C).

Here is hoping this move proves to be the exception to the rule.

7. V

The Nine Network publicity department are already working overtime to promote this new sci-fi series. The Visitors (Vs) are billed as being the alien equivalent of Miss Universe contestants promoting world peace not divided by country or fear.

In a somewhat predictable and ironic plot point there are of course many earthlings are fearful of the Visitors and sceptical of the Visitors true intentions. With that we have the tension that will undoubtedly feed endless drama with cliché villains, heroes and unlikely romance.

8. STRICTLY SPEAKING

Andre Hansen, the musical one with weird hair from Chaser, returns to the ABC to host this new competition show. The panel of judges will critique contestants in their attempt to become Australia’s Best Public Speaker.

It follows the tried and true formula of thousands of applicants being auditioned and whittled down to the final lucky few who get to actually participate in the program. It will then proceed with a regular dismissal of contestants. The unpredictability of Hansen and the unknown orations of contestants are sure to make this an entertaining series. The media are also sure to generate unwarranted sense of controversy when someone (most probably Hansen if history is any guide) says something many of us might be thinking but are too politically correct to utter out loud even in the privacy of our own homes.

9. MY KITCHEN RULES

When not making Australian versions of international hits, television executives are busy making rip-offs of other networks successful programming. In 2010 the Seven Network will be making their interpretation of Master Chef.
My Kitchen Rules will also see amateur chefs preparing meals with limited time and ingredients before serving them to a panel of judges. Producers will argue that it is a totally different show because contestants work in pairs. Also they do the cooking and serving in their own home, which only shows that Seven is too stingy to provide a studio set for the series.

All that is left is for the two master chefs, Peter Evans and Manu Feildel to decide who will be the supportive judge and who will attempt to artificially create a sense of tension by declaring every week “this is the most important meal you have ever cooked!”

10. WORLD CUP

This is the biggest sporting event in the world and is also set to be the biggest television event. The time difference will mean a lot of late nights or early mornings. Whilst SBS is hoping the Socceroos stay in the tournament as long as possible, employers around the country will be hoping that the Australian campaign does not last longer than the Group stage.

Rudd should bring Bob Hawke back into the cabinet during the World Cup so we can again be told “any boss who sacks any employee for being late today is a bum”.