Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Let sleeping dogs lie




I spent a week in Kyneton last Friday. A sleepy little town in country Victoria moves so slowly that I barely had to wake up from my hour nap aboard the V-Line train from Melbourne. Thankfully the person with the pricing gun also appears to have been asleep for about 20 years.

The whole town has applied the same pricing principles as the barman at any RSL across the country. One bakery sold chocolate brownies double the size and for half the price than I am used too. I think that makes it over all quarter the price?

The brownie was meant to be for the train ride home but…train driver might have been asleep at the wheel and was running more than 30 minutes late. When the stationmaster arose from his afternoon siesta he announced a 12 minute delay. We had to check if he meant 12 minutes in addition to the 20 minutes we had already been waiting.

Whist in town I stumble, quite literally, onto a funeral. Whilst it would be easy to say it was difficult who were the mourners and who was being permanently laid to rest, no matter how true it was. It was embarrassing to turn the corner whilst musing quite loudly about the meaning of the metal sculpture containing a lobster, an apple, a Murray cod and an oversized garden tap and nearly bump into the grieving family as they watched their loved one be loaded into a hearse.

My favourite part of Kyneton was the Botanical Gardens, I particularly liked the optimism of the plural ‘s’. It was only a single garden. By garden I mean it was a large patch of lawn with a tree in the middle and a couple of shrubs on the edge. On this basis I think my parents could rename their front yard, Royal Gardens. Royal because on the basis that it has multiple trees, shrubs and ground covers it is purely princely.

Aware that it is in Kyneton is part of Victoria it upholds the tradition of an excess of pubs and cafes. Despite that fact it is located in prime farming country its major industry is actually lemon slice with a soy latte. The only other business I saw was Toyworld Another blast from the past, Toyworld has not been seen in Australia’s cities for decades, just like Hey, Hey It’’ Saturday. Maybe it too will make an awkward return and overstay its welcome.

I would encourage the Mayor of Kyneton, at the end of daylight savings to not wind the town clock back an hour. IF this became an ongoing pattern each daylight savings then the town would creep back to the present on hour at a time.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Eureka Skydeck 88


Whilst I maintain a health scepticism for a claim of being the best that has any qualifying features, Eureka Skydeck 88 billed as the highest viewing platform in the southern hemisphere is worth the visit. Too many qualifications for my liking . It is not the tallest building anywhere but in Melbourne itself and not even the tallest viewing platform. I was surprised to see that the glorified aerial that is the Eiffel Tower has a viewing platform higher than this one.

It is like Usain Bolt, impressive as the world’s fastest man. It would be less impressive if he was described as the fastest male of African decent to run in an Olympic Games held on the Asian continent. Too many qualifiers.

Despite the declaration of there being better viewing platforms elsewhere in the world the entry price is worth it, if for no other reason than to ride the fastest elevator in the southern hemisphere (again with the overstated description).

On the 88th floor, of the world’s tallest residential building, the viewing platform is 285 meters above Melbourne’s CDB. Eureka Skydeck offers excellent views of the Melbourne skyline, suburbs and coastline. Fitted out with pointers, landmarks and historical sites are easily found.

As proof of the adage “less is more”, the developers of Eureka Skydeck went too far. Where the spectacular views with markers would have been more than enough the designers have added extra features.

There are broadcast sound effects that capture the unique sounds of Victoria’s history; noises from the goldfields, Aussie rules football, the last post and galloping. Whilst unnecessary these noises are tolerable. The noise of peak hour traffic almost 300m above the busy street is disconcerting. You do not want to see people ducking for cover from imaginary traffic where the only thing preventing them from plummeting 88 floors to their death is a pane of gold plated glass. Sure there has to be a sound more fitting of the CBD. Perhaps the romanticised ding of a tram bell.

The other added feature that proves to be more a hindrance than a help is the LCD scrolling facts running across the floors and walls. The facts are barely informative let alone entertaining. But the reflect of f the interior of the glass making it extremely difficult to take photographs. The blue LCD panels are so bright that they can be seen from the ground during daylight hours.

The Terrace is a unique experience where the glass has been replaced by a metal grill similar to a screen door. Visitors are exposed to the elements. Whilst completely safe , those who suffer vertigo will get a thrill from standing on the Terrace.

For an additional charge visitors can stand/sit/lie all to briefly in a glass cube called “The Edge” that extends and retracts from the building. No cameras are allowed in The Edge. This is not about safety but rather commercial interests. You can purchase a mass produced photo of your personal Edge experience from the kiosk. This “ride” and I use the term loosely do not warrant the additional charge.

Definitely worth the visit and worth waiting to get into the corners to block out the LCD screens to take photographs.

The kiosk will happily sell stationery, trinkets and clothing for people who want more than just their photographs to remember the experience.

Cost: $16 adults, $11 concession, $9 child, $29/$39 family, group bookings available
The Edge $12 adults, $10 concession, $8 child, $19/$29 family
Open 10am – 10pm seven days.
Address Riverside Quay, Southbank Melbourne.
Web www.eurekaskydeck.com.au

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A Melbourne Quickie

With interstate friends visiting Melbourne for the weekend I had an opportunity to play tourist for a few days, and rediscovered the fun of this city I now call home. 

Festivals

South Australia is known as the Festival State, and don’t get me wrong they can do a festival like no other, but if you want to see one then you better be there in March or you will miss out. Melbourne is awash with festivals year round. On Saturday night we went to the Awards party for the 2009 Melbourne Fringe signalling the end of another stellar season. Monday night we are off to the family friendly Transe Express which forms the opening of the Melbourne International Arts Festival. 

Throughout the year I have also taken visitors to other shows and events as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, the Melbourne Food and Wine Festival, Melbourne International Jazz Festival, Melbourne Writers Festival and Melbourne International Film Festival. There have also been festivals celebrating fashion, horses, chocolate, multicultural communities and the gay and lesbian community. Next year artistic directors have found a gap in the calendar and will be adding a cabaret festival. 

What ever takes your fancy, Melbourne will celebrate it. To be honest it an excuse to frock up for a launch or an awards night down a few glasses of bubbly supplied by corporate sponsors. IF South Australia is the Festival State then Victoria is the Party State. 

Markets

Arguably the most famous of Melbourne’s markets, the Queen Victoria Markets are fuelled with bargains, knock offs, performers and good food. Whether there for weekly fresh produce, clothes, live poultry or gifts and souvenirs a visitor (and locals for that matter) can easily spend a day soaking up the atmosphere. Hungry then find a café and choose your favourites off the menu. Or create your own gourmet platter from the produce on sale in the market itself. This experience is also available at many suburban markets across metropolitan Melbourne. 

Is there anything better than a plate of fresh dips, cheeses, spiced sausages and a loaf of crusty bread on a sunny spring day as you do a bit of people watching?

Laneways

Don’t be put off by the recovering drunks left over from the opening night of the next big festival, cowering behind miniskip bins, they are the only thing that actually show were a great venue might be lurking. Sydney venues will fill their windows with neon light, flashing arrows audaciously directing you to the doorway in which stands a man calling out to you inviting you in. Melbourne venues are more discreet, no lights, no arrows, no men spruiking their wares. 

At first glance you might not even notice the door itself. But if you do actually lean on the brick that is in fact the hidden door release you may just find yourself in one of the most upmarket rooms in the city; night clubs, cocktail lounges, galleries, theatres and cafes. The furniture may not match, the lighting might be as subtle as the entrance, and the atmosphere slightly bohemian, but you can all but guarantee a memorable experience.

 

If you do not manage to find one of the elusive doorways then enjoy the artwork that dons the walls of the laneways themselves. Some people will describe it as graffiti, and yes there are the occasional tagging, offensive or political slogan however the term “graffiti” does not do justice to the skill and creativity of the artists. 

Sightseeing

Melbourne has done an excellent job of maintaining its historic buildings. Dotted in amongst the glass and cement that is modern architecture are numerous buildings displaying the beauty or hand crafted building techniques. Sure some of them might now house a legal brothel or be the hideaway for a gang leader, so take care when framing your shot when photographing the fine masonry, tableaux or mosaics. These are not people that demonstrate an enjoyment in being tagged on Facebook. You will take your life into your own hands if you attempt to poke them.

Docklands, great waterfront eateries, drinking holes, street entertainment and walkways. Stroll along the docks until you find your self watching the third biggest but shortest operating observation wheel being dismantled.

Eureka Skydeck, prides itself on being the highest viewing platform in the southern hemisphere with the world’s first edge experience. The experience will cost you. But it is worth it. During the day enjoy the sprawling views you can almost see to Geelong that despite their protests of denial is now an outer suburb of Melbourne. At night enjoy the lights where the whole city looks like a scene from National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.

Cafes

Jeff Green said “Cafes, what have you got one per person now” and he may be right. The upside of this phenomenon is that there is something to suit every taste, budget and size of appetite. Remember the lane ways some of the best will be hidden.

Gaylords, a great Indian restaurant which hides itself deep in the heart of China Town. There are great café strips too Degraves Lane, Hardware Lane, Lonsdale St, Little Bourke St just to name a few. Or only a short walk out of the CBD there is Lygon St, Carlton or Smith St, Fitzroy

Just like jewellery and clothing there is no reason to pay full price with nearly every eatery having nightly specials, parma night, half price curry lunches or pay the time. If you enjoy travelling and would love to visit the United States of America but just can’t afford it then walk though the city and visit a MacDonald’s, Starbucks, 7-Eleven or donut store.

Melbourne has it all.