It is hard when on a driving holiday in a foreign country to not meet people that live there, no matter how hard you try. I was fearful because of my predisposition to easily assuming local accents. On my last trip to New York I had adopted the accent by the time I collected my luggage. The NZ accent amazes me not because of their unwillingness to voice vowels but because all utterance (even from the most burly Maori nightclub bouncer) seems to be surprisingly high pitched and always ending in a questioning upward inflection.
I was also fearful of blatantly laughing at the accent having made jokes at the countries pronunciation for days prior to my trip and for much of the three hour flight.
The accent, as it happened was not the thing of which to be most fearful.
Drivers.
I grew up in Adelaide where no-one wants to be overtaken or have someone change into the lane in front of them. People will knowingly alternate their speed from fast to slow just to prevent a change in the order of cars on the tarmac. But Adelaidian drivers are a picture of road etiquette in comparison to drivers in Auckland.
In their defence not all of the road problems are the fault of the drivers. For example the main highway heading south out of Auckland merges from four lanes to one in a distance of less than 50km. his does not help traffic flow at any time but especially at the beginning of a 4 day weekend when the entire population appeared to have journeyed to Auckland just so that they could all travel south on the morning of the first public holiday.
This however does not explain the consistent desire to slow down while on highways – with no posted change of speed limit – as the highway bypassed smaller towns. The high way did not pass through the town in some cases it passed over them or usually 1km or so to the side of them. None the less all traffic decided it important to slow to half the allowed speed limit.
When finally on the open road, cars of all makes and models appeared to be speed limited at 80km/hr a frustrating 20km/hr below the speed limit. Why New Zealand? Why? I used language which in my family is usually reserved for dad when repairing the washing machine.
The only thing that equalled the frustration experienced in the traffic was the absence of sign posting for roads and major attractions. Having driven round in circles for 15-20 minutes looking for one attractions we phoned the proprietors for directions only to be told to stay on the road on which we were already travelling until we saw the sign and turn right.
The road we were on came to an end at a waterfall without passing any signage. The road parallel when we got on that did lead to the attraction, which was actually on the left and not the right. The only sign we saw was at the driveway only meters from the attraction that was so obvious that at distance no sign was assisting with directions.
When it comes to fashion curvaceous women of Maori descent should not wear cream coloured leggings as outerwear over the top of black underwear. Strike that no woman should wear cream coloured leggings as outerwear over the top of black underwear. Even with someone like Megan Gale it is what you do not see that makes her alluring.
The favourite people we met in New Zealand were not locals at all. Instead they were students from Columbia. They were visiting the land of the great white cloud – get this – to learn English! I thought it would make sense to go to a country that actually spoke the language you were hoping to learn. Let me state the English language has FIVE vowel, in this order: A, E, I, O, U.
The German tourist we met in Bay of Plenty was the least favourite person we met. She followed the example of her forbears as she occupied areas that were not hers. She elbowed everyone away from the hotplates while she prepared her Aryan food. Like all invasions, there was a down side to occupation, not allowing others into the kitchen meant she had to do all of the dishes.
It must be said that in general the locals, which included a number of ex-patriot Irish working in NZ as guides, were extremely welcoming and friendly. Don’t quote me on that, a statement so inflammatory can be seen as “un-Australian” by Australian governments and could result in expulsion from the country.
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