My holiday almost started with a bang, literally. At Southern Cross Station to board the airport shuttle for my 11.30pm flight a 77 year old American was threatening to shoot out the tyres of the bus.
He had arrived just as the previous bus was pulling out and obviously could not wait the ten minutes till the next one and having seen episodes of Airline thought it imperative that he make a scene.
What was more surprising than his outburst was his surprise that the staff at a major transport hub serving Australia’s second biggest international airport would become quite anxious and aggressive toward a passenger threatening to shoot live ammunition. He could not believe they would even consider calling the police and banning him from travelling on the next bus.
If anyone should know about how over-the-top airport security can get it should be an American.
They did not ban him and I had the dubious honour of sitting next to him to the airport where he retold his story, proudly though still dumbfounded at the staff reaction. Thankfully our shared journey would end at Melbourne airport as he was on route to Hobart, Tasmania. Not that he had purchased a ticket. This late at night his chances of there being a flight to Hobart was slim at best, let alone there still being tickets available. I can only wonder what his reaction would have been if ticketing staff told him he had to wait until the next flight which would be not in 10 minutes time but the following morning.
I enjoy flying. As a former insomniac I have used long-haul flights to catch up on new and recently released movies. However I am over the worst of this debilitating condition, which meant I got to see the first 20-30 minutes of the new and recently released movies. Or maybe I am just getting old. Dad has only ever seen the first 20-30 minutes of every movie he has seen for more than 30 years. My Dad has never struggled from lack of sleep. He can dose off standing up or mid conversation – when he is the one talking!
When an aeroplane serves cereal, juice and fresh cubed fruit for breakfast why do they give you salt, pepper, knife and fork.
Arriving in Hong Kong I was confronted by numerous Honk Kongians/Hong Kongansese/Honk Kongisians/Hong Kongish with face-masks that have been shown to not only not reduce the risk of infection but actually increase the chance of infection as they create a warm moist environment for viruses to breed close to the nose and mouth. I was also confronted by urinals that either prove the rumours are false – Asian men are in reality very well endowed – or that the rumours are true – Asians are short.
The urinals were so low to the ground I had to check I had actually walked into the adult amenities. As it turns out the urinals were the perfect height for me, and I am 182cm tall!
Two more things about the Hong Kong Airport. The warnings about keeping bags in view are authorised by the Hong Kong Police Crime Prevention Authority. This only raises concerns about how serious police corruption in this country is if they have had to create an authority of police crime.
The other thing was I wanted to buy a fridge magnet just to prove I had been in the country. Such tacky items are not available from the international airport though. There was no room for a souvenir stand in amongst Versace, Armani, Hugo Boss and Prada. Ironic really that a province of China – home of the tacky souvenirs sold in every other country – does not have souvenirs of its own.
Boarding my flight to Finland I was concerned about the three children under the age of 5 sitting in the row in front of me and two others in the row behind me. I need not have worried though. The drunk guy who fought loudly with his girlfriend throughout the entire 10hour flight, broken only by him calling out to his equally drunk mates eight rows back made the perfect distraction from the gurgling and chatter of the children..
Helsinki airport offers overpriced souvenirs and regular height urinals to its travellers.
Thirtyfour hours, three flights, 4 lunches, 2 dinners, 1 breakfast, 2 buses, 1 train 3km of walking, a gun wielding American 3 kids and a drunken domestic later I arrived in my first destination
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