Have you picked up lately?

My first overseas holiday was to Africa for a four week safari. I remember that for that trip I got quite a send off; Mum, Dad, sister, Auntie and a car full of friends. At the time I thought it was wonderful. Sharing the love and all that.

Turns out they all were just making sure that I left the country.

This was best demonstrated on my return from the same holiday. Having collected my luggage and passed through Australian customs I entered the “Arrivals” lounge to find it full over everyone else’s family and friends. They all did arrive.

My friends were about 30 minutes late, but did eventually complete the pick up. My parents did show at the airport some 12 hours after my arrival. They confused am/pm apparently. Tey called me from the airport to determine my location.

Now the love is completely gone. I take a shuttle bus to the airport, alone. On my recent visit to Adelaide my parents did complete an on time pick up. Upon departure their preferred support was to drop my at the nearest bus stop, which would only add an additional 30-40minutes to my journey – to be at the airport for a 6am flight.

In Chile LAN Air got the pick up confused. The flight was delayed and so I missed my connection. A fact I knew some 30 hours prior to my departure. I was already booked on the next available flight and a 5 star hotel room was booked on my behalf at the airlines expense. The only thing left to organise a bus transfer.

There were many other travellers faced with the same situation. The airline customer service staff decided that at this point they would only speak in Spanish, knowing that the majority of affected passengers were Australian. This rule was only broken for one reason – leggy blondes.

The staff were instantly bi-lingual. I think this s a world record for learning a new language.

The blonde was elected our leader, unopposed, and without any further delays we were ushered to the bus stop to await the arrival of the transfer bus. Ninety minutes later the blonde returned to the service desk to negotiate the ordering of an actual bus.

I think there should be rules for airport pickups.

1. A host MUST collect all international visitors from an airport
2. If a host collects interstate visitors from the airport they MUST also complete the drop-off.
3. A traveller MUST offer to pay any airport parking costs incurred by the person/s completing the pick up. The person completing the pickup will ALWAYS refuse the offer.
4. To avoid any carpark costs, a passenger can text/call the picker-upper upon landing. This MUST be arranged prior to the flight and only delay the pick up for a maximum of 5 minutes. This is not an excuse to be late for the pick up.

Share you airport pick up rules and stories in the comments section

Stories and Silliness from the Snow - Time To Go

My holiday almost started with a bang, literally. At Southern Cross Station to board the airport shuttle for my 11.30pm flight a 77 year old American was threatening to shoot out the tyres of the bus.

He had arrived just as the previous bus was pulling out and obviously could not wait the ten minutes till the next one and having seen episodes of Airline thought it imperative that he make a scene.

What was more surprising than his outburst was his surprise that the staff at a major transport hub serving Australia’s second biggest international airport would become quite anxious and aggressive toward a passenger threatening to shoot live ammunition. He could not believe they would even consider calling the police and banning him from travelling on the next bus.

If anyone should know about how over-the-top airport security can get it should be an American.

They did not ban him and I had the dubious honour of sitting next to him to the airport where he retold his story, proudly though still dumbfounded at the staff reaction. Thankfully our shared journey would end at Melbourne airport as he was on route to Hobart, Tasmania. Not that he had purchased a ticket. This late at night his chances of there being a flight to Hobart was slim at best, let alone there still being tickets available. I can only wonder what his reaction would have been if ticketing staff told him he had to wait until the next flight which would be not in 10 minutes time but the following morning.

I enjoy flying. As a former insomniac I have used long-haul flights to catch up on new and recently released movies. However I am over the worst of this debilitating condition, which meant I got to see the first 20-30 minutes of the new and recently released movies. Or maybe I am just getting old. Dad has only ever seen the first 20-30 minutes of every movie he has seen for more than 30 years. My Dad has never struggled from lack of sleep. He can dose off standing up or mid conversation – when he is the one talking!

When an aeroplane serves cereal, juice and fresh cubed fruit for breakfast why do they give you salt, pepper, knife and fork.

Arriving in Hong Kong I was confronted by numerous Honk Kongians/Hong Kongansese/Honk Kongisians/Hong Kongish with face-masks that have been shown to not only not reduce the risk of infection but actually increase the chance of infection as they create a warm moist environment for viruses to breed close to the nose and mouth. I was also confronted by urinals that either prove the rumours are false – Asian men are in reality very well endowed – or that the rumours are true – Asians are short.

The urinals were so low to the ground I had to check I had actually walked into the adult amenities. As it turns out the urinals were the perfect height for me, and I am 182cm tall!

Two more things about the Hong Kong Airport. The warnings about keeping bags in view are authorised by the Hong Kong Police Crime Prevention Authority. This only raises concerns about how serious police corruption in this country is if they have had to create an authority of police crime.

The other thing was I wanted to buy a fridge magnet just to prove I had been in the country. Such tacky items are not available from the international airport though. There was no room for a souvenir stand in amongst Versace, Armani, Hugo Boss and Prada. Ironic really that a province of China – home of the tacky souvenirs sold in every other country – does not have souvenirs of its own.

Boarding my flight to Finland I was concerned about the three children under the age of 5 sitting in the row in front of me and two others in the row behind me. I need not have worried though. The drunk guy who fought loudly with his girlfriend throughout the entire 10hour flight, broken only by him calling out to his equally drunk mates eight rows back made the perfect distraction from the gurgling and chatter of the children..

Helsinki airport offers overpriced souvenirs and regular height urinals to its travellers.

Thirtyfour hours, three flights, 4 lunches, 2 dinners, 1 breakfast, 2 buses, 1 train 3km of walking, a gun wielding American 3 kids and a drunken domestic later I arrived in my first destination