Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I Survived!


Lleyton Hewitt made news on September 11 for not being in New York when the World Trade Centre’s twin towers were hit by planes in what is one of history’s most famous terrorist attacks.

He had flown out and in fact was not even in the country at the time the attack occurred. Considering I was in the country when the devastating floods hit Quuensland and was even in the same state when the less devastating but still serious flooding hit Victoria, I am counting myself as a survivor.

I can’t wait for Kochie and Mel to knock on my surprisingly dry front door.

Using the Hewitt logic I also survived the 2007 earthquake in Peru, in as much as I had tickets to travel to Peru in the same year. The upside of earthquakes in Peru is they lead to the discovery of more Inca ruins and relics.

I also have survived the droughts of southern Africa. When white-water rafting along the Zambezi River in Zimbabwe my tour group admired the amazing cliffs that stretched as far as the eye could see, only to be told by the guide that “it is very sad that we say that as we should be admiring raging waterfalls for as far as the eye could see.”

I also survived both the 1983 Ash Wednesday bush fires in South Australia and the 2009 Black Saturday bushfires in Victoria. During the former I sat on my inner city suburban front lawn in my pyjamas watching the line of fire across the top of the Adelaide Hills. During the later I took a leaf out of former Chief Commissioner of Police Christine Nixon’s book and went out for a meal. I left my apartment in the CBD and went to a Queen Victoria Market cafe and had two ham and cheese croissants at $4.50 each. I remember thinking that the smell of smoke interrupted my alfresco dining experience.

I was closer to danger than Lleyton Hewitt.

I am a survivor.

I also survived a meteorite landing at Lake Titicaca, Bolivia. Sure I was in Princeton, New Jersey, USA at the time but I was meant to be there. I was booked to visit the region for a week after walking the Inca Trail and snorkelling around Galapagos Islands. I changed my travel plans last minute (I can neither confirm nor deny that this change of plans was to chase a lady friend).

The point was I was meant to be on the lake and therefore evacuated at the time of the meteorite strike and I had not told anyone about my change of plans so had to keep up appearances of being there, being evacuated and living in emergency accommodation. I continued writing my daily holiday blogs as if I was.

I can tell you the volunteers and fellow survivors staying in my imaginary shelter were all very pleasant and helpful. The bed comfortable. The food, whilst somewhat bland was plentiful and nutritious. In fact it was all much better than where I actually stayed where I shared a single mattress and all food came with a side of fries. Even a plate of fries came with a serve of fries.

People in South America also understood me more readily than their Northern American cousins. In Peru and Bolivia they speak Spanish. In America English, however unless you have the same accent as them you may as well be speaking double Dutch, it is all Greek to

them. Even many television shows where all the characters are clearly speaking English, the slightest hint of an accent will result in the provision of subtitles..

Although no plane on which I have been a passenger has being flown into a building I have been told by the pilot of a plane departing Adelaide, via the intercom that “this flight will be delayed slightly as it received maintenance on the landing gear in Melbourne this morning that we are not happy about. Relax and enjoy your flight.”

I have also had a pilot loose the airport, not the luggage – the airport. We landed in the correct city but mistakenly the pilot chose the domestic airport for an international flight which just left flight and ground crew confused and the passengers stranded.

I have also survived the disaster of Hog’s Breath Cafe running out of steak. It is a steak house, steak is pretty much all they sell. That is like Bakers Delight running out of bread or a yiros/souvlaki/kebab shop running out of whatever it is that they cook on the long stick and tell the customers is meat.

As I said, I am a survivor.